A shoutout to a certain bookstore manager who gave me the tip for this gem from the Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51562

Dude, that shit happens ALL THE TIME... Librianism is HAARRRDDD...

(ok, not really.)

Twicksie's prescription for feeling better when, EVEN YOUR FAT PANTS are feeling tight:

Have a look around and pick out ladies that seem to be the same size/shape as you and think to yourself, "Yeah, I'd hit that shit."*

It's very helpful.



*this is, of course, if I were interested in 'hitting the shit' with the ladies, which sadly, I am not, but it don't mean a girl can't browse!

Ok, for those of you that are perhaps not understanding the reason the last post was funny/disgusting, it's really all a matter of how one reads the title of the t-shirt.

You can read it as: A wet dreamcatcher, a dreamcatcher that is wet.

Which admittedly wouldn't be very gross or funny or anything.

Or!

You can read it as: A wet dream catcher, a catcher for what happens when you have a wet dream.

That's right, the dreamcatcher is covered in ejaculate.

Yes, it's that gross.

And yes, that's a lot of cum.

Tah daah!

Hope you weren't eating breakfast just now.

Ok, this is pretty gross, but it made me 'LOL', as the kids say.

http://www.palmercash.com/product.asp?3=556&dc=ns78

I love anything that's a 'fuck you' to hippies.

Fuck you, hippies!

Ready for your gumming, darling?

I found this whilst doing a search for funny library themed videos on YouTube for a class presentation I have to make.

Oh my god.

It's long but SO worth it.

GODDAMMIT IT'S FUNNY!

Clang, Clang, Clang Went the Hoffy!!!







http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,,19904251-7484,00.html

I KNEW my taking tap dancing lessons was for a greater purpose. I KNEW IT.

Buckle-up Hoffy-boy, Momma's comin' to hoof for ya!

How much does a flight to Australia cost?

Ok, so, I don't think I'm gaining any more weight.. no, really.

AND YET! I have some pants that keep getting smaller and smaller.

After some investigation, I have realized that all the pants that seem to be too small (even the larger 'fat pants' that I have purchased) are ALL chinos from J.Crew.

Here's a blurb describing their chinos:

The chinos we're famous for: vintage American classics that will never go out of style. Cotton twill. Favorite fit sits lower on the waist. Fitted through hip, eased through thigh, with a flattering, easy leg and refined drape. Updated with a slightly thinner waistband. Stitch detail on belt loops. Zip fly. Front slant pockets, two back pockets. Short sizes 0-16 come with 30" inseam, regular sizes 0-16 come with 32" inseam. Import. Machine wash.*

*Please note, after washing the chinos approximately 10 - 15 times they will shink to a full size smaller than their original size.

Aha!!! SEE!!!! I knew it!!! Trying to make me feel all fat but you have special booby trapped chinos**, shrinking at key moments in your life to make you feel like you have to purchase MORE CHINOS. EVEN BIGGER CHINOS! I'm on to you now, J. Crew! Ooh I knew it.

**actually, I made up that little extra description blurb about the shrinkage, but I'm sorry, IT'S SO HAPPENING. How else to explain that ALL my other pants fit fine and yet I keep growing out of the chinos. Oh how?

So, here's the thing. I'm awesome. No, actually I'M THE BEST. And just to prove how I'm the bestest and most awesomest of ALL TIME, I give you the two latest shooshing signs I've just made for the library:




OMFG I AM SO AWESOME AND BESTEST!

YES!

Hey! I've got a good idea! (you stupid cunt driving in front of me on the Riverway weaving around and driving slower than my 92 year old grandfather)

How's about you leave the VODKA out of your FUCKING orange juice in the mornings before GETTING BEHIND THE WHEEL?

How's about that?

Gooooood mornin'!

I was searching for pictures of ninjas (for reasons that I SHALL NEVER REVEAL) and came across several things.

Am I the only one that has never seen this picture?

IT'S GODDAMN RIDICULOUS! Look at the kitty go! Go kitty ninja go!

Kickass! Yaw!

And um, I didn't get to hear the sound in this video yet but even without sound I was making some giggle noises:

Fear the Ninja

So, the other night I had a dream about the Hoff and how maybe, you know, he and I might be 'right' for each other in a romantic type of way.

Yes, I've heard the rumors, I know he's a raging alchoholic with a penchant for self inflicted shaving wounds, but... but.. I dunno... I just.. I really feel it's right, you know?

So in my dream we're *working* together, which combines my crush with my other fantasy of being a judge on America's Got Talent (I think I would be a great compliment to Brandy and that British dude, a MESCLA of the two, if you will), and like ooh the tension is CRAZY!

No 'hooking up' actually happens in the dream (that I can remember) but I remember thinking throughout the whole thing that I KNOW if we got together, I could TOTALLY 'help him' reduce the size of the shoulder pads in his various cropped dynamically seamed leather jackets.

I just KNOW I could.

I love you (comma) air conditioning. I'm going to MARRY YOU (comma) air conditioning. I love you soooooo much.

Please never change.