It's late and I can't sleep, and I've got a big honkin' post a' brewin' to make up for not posting for a month (for the three people that might actually read this thing, I know you're waiting with bated breath!) but first a couple of things:

1. That rabbit I was talking about earlier? That "running like a bat out of hell" rabbit? Remember him/her? Right, well, he/she (sounds like perhaps the rabbit is transgendered which would continue the 'gay rabbit' theme I've had going lo' these many posts, so I kind of like it) DOES NOT belong to the lovely muslim family down the block. Oh noooo... that rabbit is a fucking free agent. A rogue rabbit, if you will. He/she belongs to no one and lives only by his wits (and some occasional snacking at the community garden plot at the end of the street) on the hard and fast streets of North Cambridge. GO BUNNY GO! YOU FURRY DISCO INFERNO OF A HE/SHE RABBIT!

I found this out whilst I was trying to get a little petty-poo out of the damn thing, because in case you didn't know, I am obsessed with furry things and any chance I get to touch something furry, I will take it. As I was cooing at the he/she rabbit, through a chain link fence of a random neighbor, I was so entranced with the idea of getting to ruffle his fur, I didn't notice the owner of that yard and fence was up on his ladder clearing his gutters.

"He won't let you go near him"

Damn. Furry delight DENIED. (And how does he know what gender the rabbit is, anyway? feh!)

We then proceeded to discuss the origin of this wee rabbit and how he had set up a little lean-to for him/her out of his canoe in the backyard and had been feeding it for a year and how it most definitely didn't belong to the Muslims.

I stand corrected. Let it be known. And I feel a *little* like an asshole for assuming that the Muslims were running a "Bunnies Gone Wild" racket because of their *other* escaping livestock issues, but in my defense, my neighbor that I originally discussed the rabbit with was SURE he/she was the Muslim's.

In the meantime, the last time I saw the little bugger, he/she was non-chalantly lounging in the shade of the rear half of a parked car and looking like if he/she could give me the finger whilst toking on a bone, he/she just might. He/she is getting quite cocky with the warm weather.

May this bad ass bunny keep on keepin' on and live to be a hundred. This is my wish for him/her.

2. Totally different topic, however I must discuss.

Ok, so, say, FOR SOME REASON THAT SHALL NOT BE REVEALED, a person gets some shit on their hand.

Ok? I mean things HAPPEN. In fact, SHIT happens, no goddamn pun intended, right? Don't just sit there all high and mighty and pretend that not ONCE in your life, you haven't had any shit get on one or both of your hands. Don't do that, because, I cannot IMAGINE that being true. I'm not saying it's *your* shit, and I'm not saying that it's not. But one way or another, you've most probably found yourself in the situation where there's shit on your hands (or hand) and you have to wash that shit off.

Am I wrong?

Right, I didn't think so.

So, here's my question for 'you' whomever 'you' may be:

How much washing does that hand or hands need to really be clean?

I mean like REALLY clean. Like clean enough to then put that hand or hands in your mouth or in the mouth of someone else without feeling slightly weird about it. Or perhaps to then serve yourself or someone else food. How much soap does that take?

I'm not EVEN being metaphorical here, folks. I'm SERIOUSLY wondering.

Like what if you have gone to the sink, you have washed VIGOROUSLY and rinsed and washed again and then you sniff the area that the shit has been on and you can still sort of smell a faint shit smell?

Does that mean there is still shit in there somewhere? Deep in the crevices and cracks of your hand and skin, there are still little tiny bits of shit, having a stinky shitfest? Should you keep washing it until that smell is gone?

Can that smell get "caught" in your nose so really your hand doesn't smell anymore and you are really just having residual ghost shit smells? From your olefactory muscle memory? In your nose? The shit smell? Anyone?

Who can I ask this question that will know the answer? Who?

My doctor? Should I make an appointment to go into my doctors office and ask them to smell my hand and say, "Is there still shit on there if it smells like this?"

Or should I just call the BlueNurse BlueCrossBlueShield hotline and ask them? Will they even take my call?

It's not an emergency after all.

I just really really would like to know.