So. The blogging has begun.. for me, at least.

I worry. I worry generally, and often, about many things. But in this instance, I worry that I will become ADDICTED to blogging and never leave my house.

Never do work at work.

Never have a real interaction with another person that isn't digitally based in some way. I already have friends that I basically only communicate with over IM.

Worry that I'll turn into one of those borg types running around MIT, or I'll relate to this way too much. WAY too much. except, I'd never wear a bikini like that, so maybe I'm safe. And I shower pretty frequently. So there's that.

Blogging taps into this feeling I used to have when I was writing in my diary. Back when I was much more self conscious and imagined I would become famous (for what, it's never been clear) and my journals would be published.

Oh how funny and insightful everyone would see I was! So mature and self aware! How is it that this FASCINATING CREATURE could have ever felt lonely or unappreciated. Surely it was one of life's more cruel and unfair jokes. oh so surely.

Although, having gone back and actually read through those things, I constantly 'discovering' the same 'subconscious' reasons for my actions over and over again. How many times can I realize my dad's not paying attention to me made me feel bad. Freud would have smacked me by now. Wow, think of that, eh? Smackdown! Sigmund Freud style! I might like a little spanking from Dr. Freud. "OH Sigmund, your pointy beard, it's SUCH A TURN ON! I'm a very bad patient, VERY BAD." Nothing like a chaise lounge to get the party started. I wonder how tall he was.. hmm..

Ahem, right. So, as you can imagine, this whole blogging adventure is like a fast forward to my published journals. That supposes that anyone will read it, of course. It both draws me in like CRACK MOTHERFUCKING COCAINE, and at the same time, repells me also like CRACK MOTHERFUCKING COCAINE. Oh 'crackmotherfuckingcocaine' you double edged sword you. SW-OOOOOORD. I like to really pronounce the 'sw' in sword. it sounds quite NOBLE. don't you think? Shakesperean (which I am quite certain, I spelled wrong, does this thing have a spell check?).

So, bottom line is this (I bet you thought I couldn't get to the bottom line, but I can, check it):

1. Blogging is appealing because of the immediacy of getting my thoughts to the 'world'

2. Blogging is repelling because of this same reason and who is the 'world' anyway? And why should I want to share my thoughts with this 'world' anyway? And frankly, why should I think the 'world' gives a shit what I have to say. But wait, does that mean I have low self esteem? Or just that I am not a total narcissist?

3. I fear that blogging will make me regress back to that self conscious person that wanted too much validation from the outside for her inner most thoughts and feelings. It's a quick trip back to that person, oh yes.

4. But really, I just want to write stupid stories involving farts and cat fur. There's more than you would think.

5. And ALSO! who am *I* to DENY the 'world' my earth shattering realizations and funny stories about farts and cat fur. Really it would be unethical and wrong to not share.

6. I am an overshare kind of gal, by nature.

7. Fuck it, I'm so going to blog.

And so.. let the blogging BEGIN!