Good day. Although I managed to brush my teeth today, I seem to have been unable to select a shirt without several grease stains on it. Nothing says 'class' like a grease stain.
I'm lovin' it!
Oh how I miss those McDonald's ads.
Today, today I have a little stooooory for you. A wee story from my wee neighborhood. A little story involving a fuzzy bunny out in the big bad world. Happy Easter! It's a bunny story! Hooray for rabbits!
And so it begins.
(Actually, ideally, I'd have a video of my father's rabbits - or really his wife's rabbits bought long ago for her nieces and nephews - having gay sex, because, apparently, that's what they were doing when last I gazed upon them NOT A PG SHOW! But I don't have a video camera. Otherwise, we'd have some hot man rabbit on man rabbit action here for you today and we could make it a bunny 'themed' post, but tough shit for me, and transitorily, tough shit for you.)
Now, on to the story!
In my wee neighborhood, once lived some very old skool Cambridgian types. Perhaps you've met them. Still in the same house they grew up in. Living with their mother. Unmarried. House and back yard full of so much crap, you wonder if they have a "hoarding problem". Bumper stickers on their SUV that say things like:
or:
Real charming-like. (these are the exact bumper stickers they had, btw, I just spent like an hour finding them).
Needless to say, they didn't leave their house much.
And then one day, one fine day, there was a "For Sale" sign in front of their house. Lord knows they were willing to take the HUGE profit they probably received after the neighborhood went to the liberals and the faggots and the liberal faggots oh and the communists. Not so libertarian about that, now were they? Although, I am sure paying taxes on the sale probably irked them to no end.
I'm assuming they are now in Florida, where after spending their life's fortune on a seaside home, they can reap the benefits of the global warming they caused with their stupid fucking SUV and be wiped away by a hurricaine in the coming storm season. Ah, may the circle be unbroken.
Anyway, after the sign went up and after the piles and piles of trash that came out of their house like clowns from a clown car each trash pickup day were cleared away, they finally sold their modest home.
I was curious about the new tenants. What would they be like? Would they have the same bumper stickers? Would they redo the house to make it pretty and uncondemned? Oh the many questions!
Then the new neighbors pulled their car in. Or I guess, their short bus, and a limo, and another town car, and another short bus, and another town car. Hmm.. me thinks I smell a livery service provider in the neighborhood.
And then, much to my delight and glee, with irony in full effect, out poured from one of the short buses an immigrant orthodox muslim family. Head scarves, long robes, not a whole lot of English, *a lot* of relatives, the works.
How the old skool Cambridgeans were able to give up their homestead to a family, they *probably* would consider in league with Satan AND the terrorists, I'll never know. But I would have paid GOOD MONEY to be at the closing. Wow.
As it turns out, this new family did a great job re-habbing the old house (although they never took down the drop ceilings - why???? ugh...) and have become a much more pleasant neighbor than the old skool Cambridgeans.
However, this particular family is also old skool but in a different way. I am *pretty sure* they have a sizable amount of livestock in their backyard. When they moved in they put up a very opaque and tall fence, supposedly so the women-folk could relax in the backyard sans elaborate coverings (not naked, of course, but just without the head to toe scarves and whatnot) in keeping with their religious and cultural beliefs. But they also have some serious farm animals back there.
They have enough farm animals back there that one of them escapes from time to time. If you'll recall from Jjohn's post about the Chicken Gone Wild in the neighborhood, this family was the owner of said chicken.
If you'll recall, I first encountered this chicken in my front yard, next to our porch and thought I had lost my mind. "Are there wild turkeys in Cambridge?" I asked myself... And soon I had my answer. No, no there aren't. But apparently there are renegade chickens. Just waiting for their big chance to fly the coop. Literally. Ha.
One day, in the very same place I first encountered Clucky, our not-so-friendly neighborhood chicken, I saw a rabbit. Just hangin' out, chillin' in the shade. Now, wild rabbits are one thing, and those DO exist in Cambridge, but no, this one was white and brown and most definitely domesticated.
WE HAVE A RABBIT ON THE LOOSE!
I was concerned and quickly enlisted my neighbor for help in grabbing the bunny and finding it's owners. But when I found her, she just sighed and said that this rabbit belonged to the livery chicken owning muslim neighbors and they apparently insisted that the rabbit enjoyed hopping free in the neighbhorhood.
So, just so you get it, much like you would let a cat outside to do their thing, these folks felt that the rabbit needed to also be out and about in the neighborhood because 'he liked it'.
And so, here and there, during all seasons, I will see the rabbit sitting in different places in the neighborhood, chewing on something or sleeping, or sort of idly hopping along (not 'walking' really, just sort of lamely hopping) the sidewalk and it always seems to be Ok.
I drive extra slow because if I hit the damn thing, I'd feel like the biggest asshole in the world and would be traumatized beyond repair. But our neighborhood is used as a cut through for some big roads that surround us and people whip down our little street like they are drag racing and I worry for the furry little prey animal.
Recently, not long ago, I saw something that made me slightly less worried about the bunny.
He was hanging out at the edge of the sidewalk around the corner from his abode whilst I was crossing the street. As I crossed, I saw a big loud car coming towards me and also towards where the bunny was sitting on the edge of the sidewalk. I lamely called to the bunny saying "Get away from the street, there's a big scary car coming!" but my warnings were apparently not needed because that rabbit knew what to do, boy howdy!
What happens next, by the way, is the ENTIRE POINT of this story.
What happened next is:
THAT RABBIT FUCKING KICKED INTO FIFTH GEAR AND TORE OUT OF THERE LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL.
My GOD could that little fucker run! I have never in my life seen such a fast animal! It was like witnessing a cheetah on the plains of Africa, a blur of brown and white, fat back feet and tiny front paws moving as one well-oiled fleeing machine!
One minute he was by the road and the next he was under a car halfway down the block.
I laughed so hard I nearly wet my pants and had to go home and change.
And that, dear reader, is the point of the story, which I shall wrap up for you in the following statement:
Watching normally docile meekly hopping domesticated rabbits KICK OUT THE JAMS and run like the wind in an urban environment is really really really funny.
Good day.
Labels: gay_rabbit_sex, grease_stain, muslims, rabbits
