Ok, so here's something that happens once and awhile that I really dislike.

This is really only something that would happen to a laaaaaady, but I suppose there is a boy version too.

Yes, well, it's when you have finished urinating, that's right, I said it, urinating and you pull up yer pants and whatnot and you have washed your hands and are just doing a little spin in the mirror to check out your ass or whatever and HELLO!

There is a tiny (and sometimes not so tiny) wet dot on the back of your pants JUST below where you shirt covers.

You know what that dot is made of, boys and girls?

Urine.

Yes, you have urinated on yourself, you dirty messy lady.

Ugh.

And then you spend the rest of the hour or so (how long does it take for a URINE SOAKING to EVAPORATE?) pulling down your shirt to cover it and hoping that you don't have to get up to do anything that would involve people seeing that you have sprayed yourself with your own body waste.

God help me, I really hate it when that happens.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!!!!

Please do the following thing:

Go to Google.com (this is on April 21, 2006, btw) and type in 'failure'.

Then hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button.

Y Voila!

Fucking brilliant.

Something happened to a friend of mine that reminded me of these over dramatic song lyrics I wrote awhile back:

I was so ready
For this to end

This purgatory
That I've been in.

You came along, Dear
And blew my mind.

But in the end, Dear
You won't be mine.

My heart it opened
Just a bit

But in the end, Dear
It turned to shit.

I don't know now,
What's right or wrong.

Was it a good thing
You came along?

I thought you'd help me
Escape this pain.

But in the end, Dear
It's all the same.

It's just another
Deep and painful cut.

Yes in the end, Dear
My heard slammed shut.


And you know what? Just for the record? I'm so glad it worked out the way it did and the inspiration for that song/poem and I didn't happen. Darkest before the dawn. Or well, a mini dawn.. enough of a dawn that I'm happy to be alive and well typing this right now.

And my dear dear friend (and all you folks out there who have had your hopes way the fuck up just to have them crash way the fuck down) the world turns whether we like it or not, but at least that means you've got yourself a dawn coming. And soon enough you'll be happy to be alive and writing stupid overdramatic song lyrics.

I promise.

Can we please discuss the proper use of the "lol"?

Please?

Here's when it's ok to use it, ready?

When you are texting or IM'ing with someone or even involved in a rapid fire email exchange with someone, they say something funny, and then in order to express your EXTREME amusement at what they said, you then invoke the use of the "lol".

See? Isn't that easy?

Here's when NOT to use it, ready again?

Don't use it when you are writing an email or a posting or a personal ad and trying to show how WACKY AND FUN LOVING YOU ARE. Just don't. It makes you look like a jackass.

Just like laughing heartily at your own joke without really gauging other people's reaction to said joke, also makes you look like a jackass.

It ESPECIALLY makes you look like a jackass when you have PEPPERED your whole email/post/personal ad with "lol"s like it will somehow lessen the fact that you are really very obviously, a jackass.

"Hi, I'm Twicksie and I work hard and play hard! lol!"

"I really like to club baby seals to death during sealing season, it really takes the edge off! lol! But I can never seem to get their blood off my parka! It's a real stinker! lol!"

Now that you have some examples, can't you see how VERY ANNOYING IT IS?

Oh can't you?

Lol! Goddammit, I'M SO FUCKING GODDAMN WACKY AND HILARIOUS! LOL! I'M A LAUGH RIOT! I'M CONSTANTLY LAUGHING LIKE JOLLY OLD SAINT NICK! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

ugh. It's JUST as bad as shitloads of smiley faces. JUST as bad.

lol!

:-)

barf.