I have figured out the meaning of life.
I have.
Everybody needs a goddamn hobby.
Not just some like 'yeah I knit once and awhile and it's cool. I made some mittens last year' type of hobby, but like 'i'm going to kill myself if I can't get in there and do this because goddammit this thing that I do is more important to me than sex, food, and breathing'.
That kind of hobby.
Heretofore (that's a word, right?), I have spent most of my mental and emotional energy focused on personal relationships, or lack thereof. This was my 'hobby' if you will. But you see, these are things that one cannot control. And so goes my life, constantly agonizing over the actions or non-actions of others wondering if the pain and torture will ever stop. Wondering if anyone can and will fill the empty void inside of me. WHO CAN DO THIS? WHO?
And frankly, who the hell would want to. I wouldn't want to.. When I see people like me, desperate for the hole to be filled (and yes, I mean that literally and figuratively) I find them repellent. It's the ones that seem fancy free and whose holes seem filled that look good to me. But they, in the end, drive me crazy. Because they are not as desperate as me and therefore are not willing conspirators in the filling of my hole. Damn them.
I try to control them with my constant mind focusing powers of control (otherwise known as constant and incessant mind chatter surrounding all aspects of my relationship with them), but that doesn't always seem to work so good. Even when others are willing to try to fill the hole, let's all be real, it doesn't work so good then, either.
There's always something. Always.
What you and I and everyone needs is a hobby or passion or whatever that you can control. And that keeps you from the mind chatter. God help me, take away the mind chatter.
Something to be obsessed with that you can actually do something about.
Because controlling the future and other people with your mind thoughts doesn't seem to work. And believe me, I've tried.
Holy shit, I think I'm really onto something.
I'm gonna be the next buddha people, watch me work!
I have.
Everybody needs a goddamn hobby.
Not just some like 'yeah I knit once and awhile and it's cool. I made some mittens last year' type of hobby, but like 'i'm going to kill myself if I can't get in there and do this because goddammit this thing that I do is more important to me than sex, food, and breathing'.
That kind of hobby.
Heretofore (that's a word, right?), I have spent most of my mental and emotional energy focused on personal relationships, or lack thereof. This was my 'hobby' if you will. But you see, these are things that one cannot control. And so goes my life, constantly agonizing over the actions or non-actions of others wondering if the pain and torture will ever stop. Wondering if anyone can and will fill the empty void inside of me. WHO CAN DO THIS? WHO?
And frankly, who the hell would want to. I wouldn't want to.. When I see people like me, desperate for the hole to be filled (and yes, I mean that literally and figuratively) I find them repellent. It's the ones that seem fancy free and whose holes seem filled that look good to me. But they, in the end, drive me crazy. Because they are not as desperate as me and therefore are not willing conspirators in the filling of my hole. Damn them.
I try to control them with my constant mind focusing powers of control (otherwise known as constant and incessant mind chatter surrounding all aspects of my relationship with them), but that doesn't always seem to work so good. Even when others are willing to try to fill the hole, let's all be real, it doesn't work so good then, either.
There's always something. Always.
What you and I and everyone needs is a hobby or passion or whatever that you can control. And that keeps you from the mind chatter. God help me, take away the mind chatter.
Something to be obsessed with that you can actually do something about.
Because controlling the future and other people with your mind thoughts doesn't seem to work. And believe me, I've tried.
Holy shit, I think I'm really onto something.
I'm gonna be the next buddha people, watch me work!
posted by twicksie at
3:54 PM
