Boy I'm quite the little poster today, aren't I?
Ok, couple of things to do when you are feeling crappy about single (and say, your brother's wedding is the day after your birthday and the rehearsal dinner is ON your birthday and it's a clambake, and guess what? you are allergic to clams and you have to read Corinthians 13 all about how without love there is nothing in the wedding and you have gained 4.67 pounds and feel like the loser spinster LIBRARIAN sister with the three fucking cats who needs a walker to get to the pulpit or stage or whatever the fuck it is you have to stand behind to read the damn bible verse because you're so obese and AND BASICALLY you are living your own 16 Candles and really it's going to be renamed 34 Candles with a new ending where there is no Jake bringing you a cake and remembering your birthday and it's just you ALONE sitting with your cats rocking back and forth with the wilted bouquet and a crumpled tear stained Corinthians 13 in your chubby hand. ahem.)
Ok, right! So!
1. Find yourself someone that is having problems in their relationship to talk to. I know this is really fucked up and sort of shitty, but it really works! I dated someone once that said that he was sad about not being in a relationship but then walked by a couple in a parked car screaming at each other. He felt better then.
Obviously you'll want to be sympathetic to the person, but hey, if it can help make you feel a little better, everybody wins!
2. Go dancing in a dive bar, nothing fancy. Dance your fucking ass off. Dance until you don't care what planet you live on.
3. Flirt LIKE A FUCKING WHORE with anyone that will have you. Seriously, I've been putting this into practice alot lately and it really works quite nicely. Especially flirt with people you think would NEVER be interested in you. Most recently I've flirted with a super conservative biotech guy, a very attractive short man (also a fantastic dancer), a German toxicologist, a middle aged carpenter wearing union paraphenalia with YOU GUESSED IT a non-ironic moustache, and a SUPER cute waiter from Southie (from those of you not from Boston, that's the neighborhood Matt Damon's character is from in Good Will Hunting, does that help? eh?) with a teenie weenie Southie accent. And that was only in the past two weeks. Awww yeahh..
These are my prescriptions to keep the hope alive. I hope they serve you well.
I plan on doing all of them during my personal dramatic reenactment of 34 Candles.. fuck Jake, I'm good to go baby!
Ok, couple of things to do when you are feeling crappy about single (and say, your brother's wedding is the day after your birthday and the rehearsal dinner is ON your birthday and it's a clambake, and guess what? you are allergic to clams and you have to read Corinthians 13 all about how without love there is nothing in the wedding and you have gained 4.67 pounds and feel like the loser spinster LIBRARIAN sister with the three fucking cats who needs a walker to get to the pulpit or stage or whatever the fuck it is you have to stand behind to read the damn bible verse because you're so obese and AND BASICALLY you are living your own 16 Candles and really it's going to be renamed 34 Candles with a new ending where there is no Jake bringing you a cake and remembering your birthday and it's just you ALONE sitting with your cats rocking back and forth with the wilted bouquet and a crumpled tear stained Corinthians 13 in your chubby hand. ahem.)
Ok, right! So!
1. Find yourself someone that is having problems in their relationship to talk to. I know this is really fucked up and sort of shitty, but it really works! I dated someone once that said that he was sad about not being in a relationship but then walked by a couple in a parked car screaming at each other. He felt better then.
Obviously you'll want to be sympathetic to the person, but hey, if it can help make you feel a little better, everybody wins!
2. Go dancing in a dive bar, nothing fancy. Dance your fucking ass off. Dance until you don't care what planet you live on.
3. Flirt LIKE A FUCKING WHORE with anyone that will have you. Seriously, I've been putting this into practice alot lately and it really works quite nicely. Especially flirt with people you think would NEVER be interested in you. Most recently I've flirted with a super conservative biotech guy, a very attractive short man (also a fantastic dancer), a German toxicologist, a middle aged carpenter wearing union paraphenalia with YOU GUESSED IT a non-ironic moustache, and a SUPER cute waiter from Southie (from those of you not from Boston, that's the neighborhood Matt Damon's character is from in Good Will Hunting, does that help? eh?) with a teenie weenie Southie accent. And that was only in the past two weeks. Awww yeahh..
These are my prescriptions to keep the hope alive. I hope they serve you well.
I plan on doing all of them during my personal dramatic reenactment of 34 Candles.. fuck Jake, I'm good to go baby!
posted by twicksie at
10:17 PM
1 Comments:
I always liked that Southie accent. I probably wouldn't if I were from Boston. Or if it weren't Matt Damon talking. Or if it were Ben Affleck. But good luck with the flirting! Too bad you're no longer in NYC -- remember all the good cabbie flirting available around here?
By
susan, at 9:12 PM
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