Ok, I need to get something off my chest (huh huh, I said 'chest')..

I hate Sketchers.

I hate everything about them. I HATE them.

Why don't you go their website and have a look at the shoes they offer. I did. And I hate every goddamn shoe on that site. Every last one. Even their fucking website is ugly.

You want cool kicks? Some hip trainers? Are these them?

No.

If you're thinking, "Those aren't that bad, they're kind of nice." You're wrong.

Go get yourself some taste, some self respect, and some Pumas.

What? You gonna go running in those sorry-ass FAKE running shoes? Good luck with that. And enjoy those shin-splints, you dumb-ass.

Want to add a little 'punk-rock' edge to your khakis and your button down? Maybe with these, or these?

JESUS, ever heard of Campers? Doc Martins? Shell out the extra thirty bucks, PLEASE.

Have I mentioned I hate them?

If I am checking out a guy, and I make my way down to the shoes (fellas, you HAVE to know it's all about the shoes) and I see that taletale ugly fonted nasty 'S' on the side, and that characteristic "trying-to-be-hip-but-just-not-making-it-imitation-of-actual-cool-shoes" style, I can tell you right now, that I will assume that that guy is a no taste, no class, loser in life.

I hate them that much.

You might think this is funny, or that I'm sort of kidding. But the thing is, I am dead serious.

I would never kid about something so visually and aesthetically offensive.

Never.

Here's their new slogan:

Sketchers: Loser Shoes for People With no Taste.

I think that says it all.